Simple Prayers

sometimes

i am so angry 

and sad 

about the things i know 

and the things that are true.

yesterday a client called

whose family member 

is in the hospital

with yet another 

heart attack

the doctors wanted to know

what was in the water.

i had to be the one to read the list of poisons...

"there was arsenic in your water and toxic levels of the following:

iron, manganese... Yes I can spell that.

m - a - n - g - a - n - e - s - e

sulfate

s - u - l - f - a - t - e

barium

b - a - r - i - u - m

beryllium

b - e - r - y - l - l - i - u - m

uranium  

u - r - a - n - i - u - m

and this is when i get really mad

URANIUM?

I want to cry and spit at the same time

because this list is criminal

it started with Arsenic

has uranium in the middle

and ends with thorium.

even though i'm not at the end of the list

I can see where it's headed

but where it's headed 

you can't fully appreciate

until you have talked to hundreds of clients 

with failing bodies

radium

r - a - d - i - u - m

selenium

s - e - l - e - n - i - u - m

aluminum

a - l - u - m - i - n - u - m

and

thorium

t - h - o - r - i - u - m

Five elements on this list are radioactive

no amount of crying or screaming 

is going to change that or 

change the damage they do to a body

Not EVER. not  ever.

and it makes me feel small

and helpless

and sad

but my heart is healthy

so i put down the phone

cry for a second

and make my next client call back

i have never been more thankful 

for my healthy little body

and i pray so hard

that this

never happens 

to anyone 

again

i scan the next form

that gives the law firm

the right to argue on our clients' behalf

and hope that if we win this case

that this 

never happens 

to anyone else 

again

it's a prayer that lives in my body now

like the lists of their illnesses

the names of their family members

and the pages and pages 

of papers we have 

documenting

their lives

and

losses